Preparing for military family deployment can seem like an uphill battle.
For one, your Family Readiness team (be it an officer, group or other) has probably handed you a to-do list that is several pages long.
Add in the fact that there's the inevitable family you're going to have to find time to see (I'm sorry, Aunt Gloria! We just can't make it out there AND do everything we need to do!), preparations made around the house and normal family life to lead.
Forget normal life. Deployment changes everything. And it'll start happening well before that deployment even starts. The Military Powers That Be divide deployment into three phases: pre-deployment, deployment and re-integration. This is called the Deployment Cycle and, while stress and exhaustion may be true for the cycle in full, you'll find particular stressors in play for each cycle.
During this phase, you'll be doing everything you can to get your family ready for the realities of deployment and the potentialities. Here's a checklist that will help. At the top of your list will be legal, financial and emotional preparation.
Legally, you'll want to get everything that may be necessary taken care of: powers of attorney and wills, particularly, and anything else your unit recommends.
While wills can feel morbid, powers of attorney might not seem necessary -- and both may entail discussion that you or your spouse may not be eager to have. Talk to your service member about what kinds of powers of attorney you should have while he is gone. Should anything go wrong, including you losing your military ID or needing to break a lease, you won't be able to take care of the issue without one.
Here is everything you need to know to get the legal stuff ironed out before your partner leaves.
You will need to make financial preparations too. Between hazard pay, combat pay, flight pay, or any of the other additional pays that come with deployment, plus the non-taxable income, your bank account will look drastically different for a while -- and it's important you don't blow it all on a fancy new Mustang. Here are some basic financial guidelines to help you keep deployment pay and spending in check and to help you save for a better future.
Want to know what kind of extra money you'll be seeing? Us the Military.com pay calculator. You can also download the calculator as an easy-to-use app for iOS or Android.
This one could also be called "steel yourself," because two things are universal about deployments: (1) No deployment experience is the same; but (2) It's going to require a lot from you, no matter what.
Combat deployments come with an unshakable shadow and stress every infantry spouse can explain with a single look. But non-combat deployments can also be very stressful. The gist: Stress, no matter what.
Before your partner deploys, make sure you find several healthy stress-relievers to help get you through. They will likely be your go-to when times get rough.
Prepare the Family
Helping your family get ready for a deployment is easier when you take the advice of other spouses who have done it.
Children going through a deployment experience many of the same emotions as their grown counterparts, but have at their fingertips fewer of the resources to combat those problems. Learn how you can help them prepare for the separation as easily as possible and, while you're at it, learn how you can expect the rest of your family to take deployment too.
To state the obvious: Deployment changes everything. The problem is you really don't understand how until you're in it, and even after you've done one, you can't count on the next deployment being the same.
Learn how you can prepare for the impact it will have on your marriage and your family and prepare for the effect an unexpected extension might have.
Take the time to prepare some family rituals in advance that you can do during deployment.
Get involved with your Family Readiness Group.
You may even want to consider moving home while your spouse is gone. If that's something you're thinking about, make sure you weigh all the options in advance.
And then there's the perennial military joke -- deployment inevitably demands a visit from Uncle Murphy.
If you're new to the military, you're probably shaking your head in confusion. Who's Uncle Murphy? If you're not new, you already know: Murphy's Law goes into effect the minute your spouse leaves. The car will break. The newly replaced air conditioner will suddenly need to be completely replaced again. The roof will collapse. And you will lose your keys.
Maybe none of those things will happen to you (we hope), but Murphy's Law is there all the same -- and it's something you at least get to laugh about. The good news is this: Deployment may be a heavier time in your life, but it will definitely add in some hilarity. We promise.
In fact, even though none of us likes deployment, we all cherish the feeling of how wonderful it is to have your spouse return after such a long time away. Take the hard moments in stride. And celebrate the return with all you've got.
Your spouse is back! Hooray! The world is wonderful, your family is whole, and you are breathing for the first time in months. Congratulations! Now, welcome to (another) hard part.
Reintegration is great, but it brings with it its own challenges.
When you've been apart for months at a time, both of you inevitably grow and change -- and reintegration is all about growing back to each other. While it happens, you can expect some ups and down. Somefights, some passion, and the road back to shared household duties.
No matter how much we wish it did, reintegration doesn't happen immediately. But the more you prepare for it and the rest of deployment, the easier it will all be.