Ah, the joys of deployment. Popcorn in bed, not having to shave regularly, and "cooking" cereal for dinner. There are probably only five perks to your spouse being away, but the No. 1 stunner has to be full, unfettered access to the remote.
But you must choose wisely, young grasshopper. Just because you have this newfound power doesn't mean it should be wielded without thought. Trust us on this.
Here is your official deployment "watch this, not that" list.
Watch "You've Got Mail," not "The Notebook."
Meg Ryan and Rachel McAdams are equally charming, but here's a friendly reminder that one of these movies ends in death and disease, while the other ends with a fluffy dog, flowers and a happy ending on a bridge. Both have romance, passion and long-distance love, but only one leaves you not wanting to jump off a bridge of your own. Plus, dial-up AOL is so fun to reminisce about. Dementia is not.
Watch "The Hangover," not "Tommy Boy."
While I still maintain that Chris Farley was the greatest man who ever lived, second only to my father, watching "Tommy Boy" grieve the loss of his dad is too much following a farewell. If you haven't seen "Tommy Boy," I'm totally judging you anyway, but save it for when your spouse is home. Opt for the ridiculousness of "The Hangover," which has nothing to do with deployment or death or trying to preserve your dad's legacy, only missing teeth and missing memories and Mike Tyson's tiger in Las Vegas.
Watch "Moana," not "Up."
With catchy music and incredible animation, "Moana" has you cheering from the beginning for the girl from the sea, while "Up" has you crying from the opening scene because you know that a house and balloons and an old man can only end poorly. Spoiler alert: It does. Get your Lin Manuel Miranda fix and tee up Moana.
Watch "Red," not anything else that involves home break-ins, kidnappings, murder or other crimes.
Unless you're a former CIA assassin, "Red's" storyline probably won't mirror much of your life. This hilarious, fast-paced film is one of my all-time favorites. With Helen Mirren, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman and John Malkovich, this flick has everything you've ever wanted in an action movie. Plus, you don't have to triple-check to make sure your doors are locked before you go to bed, like you would with any other crime show or movie.
We expect that you'll binge watch the classics: "Friends," "Sex in the City," "The West Wing," "Grey's Anatomy," and all your favorite reality shows. Deployment movies are a great way to pass the time so long as you stick to our suggestions. Whatever movies you decide on, remember that they're better with popcorn in bed.
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